The long, Doritos-caked arm of the law—Liverpudlian burglars foiled by American watching store’s internet camera feed. They would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that damned TCP/IP.

Another grateful nod to Paul Hunt (who is Dutch, not Danish, which fact would certainly never be misrepresented and then hastily amended in a prior issue of this publication, because we know the difference) for this contribution. When Paul isn’t providing guest contributions to The Aural Times or posting to his site, Wolkenwelden, I have it on good authority that he is fighting crime with nothing more than a cup of coffee and a flaky wifi connection.

Things in the office are…quiet. Still. I have been arranging for interviews for Interns, but in a sort of ironic symmetry, several of my former Interns—the ones laid off for being criminally lazy and unmotivated—have started an anti-AT crusade at local college campuses. I am simultaneously furious at their meddling and nearly consumed with pride that they’ve managed to actually accomplish something. They’ve been seen marching across this or that quadrangle, hefting signs that say Never Again and bear the likeness of none other than that long-lost nudist Intern, Dalton.

Furious and proud; proud and furious. I suppose this must be how parents feel, when they are not busy cleaning up vomit.