What you can’t see…scientists find observational evidence for “dark matter” in the gravitational signature of visible matter. Cosmologists the world over are drinking irresponsibly and telling nebula jokes.

In the office, we’ve been trying out Interns again, but there’s been nothing but disappointment this week—these kids don’t understand The Aural Times. They don’t understand music. They don’t understand why they wouldn’t get paid.

“Tuition,” they cry. “How can I pay my semester fees?” Crybabies.

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